I was on The Royal Scotsman the other day - a very beautiful train owned and run by the Orient-Express group, original and perfectly restored - on their four day Classic tour of the Highlands (much to be recommended). The Edwardian carriages look very fine in their chocolate and golden livery, while inside all is resplendent in inlaid mahogany panelling, bevelled and acid-etched mirrors and little twinkling wall lights. The dining cars are particularly lovely, and dinner is generally formal. I was anxious to do justice to the fine food and wine, the elegant napery, silver, porcelain and softly glowing candles - no problem at all if you are equipped with a Hilditch & Key dress shirt: mine are either the textured marcella or else have a pleated and fly front (studs, I feel, are a little heavy, but everyone to his taste). Team that with a largish, properly hand-tied black silk bow, don the old soup and fish (as P.G.Wodehouse had it) and off you go. I also wear a vintage Hilditch & Key sort of dress waistcoat affair from the 1970s - no back, low scoop front, red silk with white polka dots and grey pearl buttons. Not only is it very dashing, but it also serves to camouflage the paunch.

And maybe naively, I had assumed that everyone else would be dressed in a broadly similar fashion. Wrong. One or two were fine, but most of the men were sporting the most extraordinary array of duds. We shall quietly pass over the two ill-informed revellers who had plumped for the kilt (one was from Denver, Colorado, the other from Ipswich) and concentrate upon the remaining galaxy of sartorial solecism. There were several stand-up cutaway collars - the sort that should only ever be worn with white tie - an appalling array of jokey pre-formed bows (pink elephants, Homer Simpson, you get the idea) and one fellow was actually wearing a black tie. Another had on not just a black tie but a black shirt as well. Yet one more was trussed into an ill-made white collarless shirt with a big fake diamond where you would expect the top button to be. Footwear ranged from the correct patent to brogues and even cowboy boots. Dear oh dear - and don't get me started on the tartan cummerbunds.

Black tie used to be the one dress requirement that everyone knew how to follow, and did so without question - the idea being, of course, that the gentlemen melt and merge into a monochrome background, leaving the way clear for the ladies to dazzle in all their colourful silks and jewels. Which most of them did, to be fair, although there were a few pairs of trousers too - oh granted they were black velvet, sequinned, sparkling, but they were trousers nonetheless. Oh well: just one example of the modern way, I suppose - a theme I hope to return to.

Joseph Connolly

Joseph Connolly's latest novel is JACK THE LAD AND BLOODY MARY,
published by Faber and Faber at £12.99

Other articles by Joseph Connolly and Colin Cameron that may be of interest:
Gekko's on Wall Street, James Bond and Aston Martin, Hilditch & Key in Paris,
London Shops, The very best shirt in the world